Dear Crazy Twoleg Writers
by Duality of Ragnarok
Summary: The cats of the Clans would like to have a word or two with you.
1. The Name Game

_Dear crazy Twoleg writers, _

Just what in StarClan's name is a dragon? We don't know what those are. Also, what kind of names are Twilightheart, Zebrapelt, and Diamondlight? What's ''twilight?'' What's a zebra? What's a diamond? And what kind of mother would name her kit Starkit? As a member of StarClan, I find that to be very offensive. Mousedung, you Twolegs have all sorts of crazy words. It infuriates me to no end. Just come up with names that _make sense_ for StarClan's sake!

Sincerely,

An angry (and annoyed) Yellowfang.

**I've always wanted to do this idea (I love to experiment). This is my attempt at comedy, since I've mostly been doing drama lately. I don't mean to offend **_**anyone**_** in any way, shape or form. It's just light-hearted fun. **

**The first review question is: What's the most ridiculous warrior name you've ever seen?**


	2. Life In Technicolor

**Ten reviews already? Dang.**

_Dear crazy Twoleg writers,_

We don't have purple eyes. The closest color you'll get is a very dark blue. We don't have blood-red eyes either. The only eye colors we can have are amber, green, blue (light and dark), yellow-green, and orange. It's very easy to remember. Also, where do you get the idea of us having pink or green fur? I've never seen a cat with fur that had those colors. Our fur can be lots of different colors, but certainly not pink or anything like that.

Sincerely,

Whitestorm.

**Wow, this is the fastest time I've updated something.**

**Whitestorm's chapter sure was different from Yellowfang's wasn't it? Oh, this chapter's review question is: What's the most ridiculous description of a cat that you've ever seen?**

**-Ragnarok**


	3. RedClan, BlueClan

**Wow, never expected to get so many reviews….**

_Dear crazy Twoleg writers,_

I never knew there were so many Clans like us. It seems that you use these Clans a lot. What's so bad about ThunderClan, ShadowClan, WindClan, and RiverClan? I've also seen afterlives similar to StarClan. Sorry, but there's only one after life, and that's StarClan, whether you like it or not.

Sincerely,

Bluestar.

**The review question is: What's your favorite Clan?**

**I also want to a super edition style fic, so give suggestions on what cat I should do! (Note: I haven't read Omen of The Stars yet.)**

**-Ragnarok**


	4. Graystripe the Two-timer

_Dear crazy Twoleg writers,_

What do you mean I'm a ''two-timer?'' I didn't betray Silverstream to be with Millie. Also, she was long dead when I met her. And while you probably think Silverstream is angry at me now because I'm not with her anymore, she isn't. She approves of my relationship with Millie. Even though I'm mates with Millie now, I still await the time where Silverstream and I will hunt among the stars together.

Sincerely,

Graystripe.

**Almost fifty reviews? Wow.**

**RiverClan seems to be popular. I like them as well, but my favorite Clan is ShadowClan. They're so awesome. **

**Who do you think is Graystripe's ideal mate? Silverstream or Millie? (I have a feeling that a lot of you are going to say Silverstream.)**

**-Ragnarok**


	5. Wicked Shadows

_Dear crazy Twoleg authors,_

Why do you hate ShadowClan so much? What did we do to you? It's true that we're not very friendly with ThunderClan or the other Clans, but do you really have to exaggerate that? We're not all bad, except for maybe Brokenstar.

Sincerely,

Tawnypelt.

P.S- I suggest you leave. Blackstar doesn't like trespassers, and he would tear your pelt off if saw you on our territory.

**Poor ShadowClan. They always seem to get the short end of the stick don't they? Who's your favorite ShadowClan cat? Mine would be Russetfur. She needs more love.**

**-Ragnarok**


	6. The Zealot

_Dear crazy Twoleg writers,_

Why do you think it's bad that I care about the warrior code? Haven't you forgotten that it holds the Clans together and without it we wouldn't exist? Without the warrior code, we would be living like rogues. I don't see what's so bad about wanting to follow the rules. You also think I'm evil for killing Ashfur. I couldn't let him live, for he was going to destroy ThunderClan by revealing the truth about my real parents. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I wasn't.

Sincerely,

Hollyleaf.

**Hollyleaf is one of my favorite characters, so I did a chapter about her. In my opinion, she's one of the most dynamic and well developed characters in the series. What is your opinion on her? Tell me in your review!**

**-Ragnarok**


	7. Firestu

_Dear crazy Twoleg writers,_

Why do you call me a ''gary-stu''? Yes, I've been in a prophecy and have had two cats fawning over me, but does that make me perfect? Like all other cats, I have flaws. Also, have you forgotten that I've saved the Clans many times? Without me, they would be dead.

Sincerely,

Firestar.

**Who do you think suits Firestar the best? Sandstorm or Spottedleaf?**

**-Ragnarok**


	8. Heart of Ice

**Thanks for over 100 reviews!**

_Dear crazy Twoleg writers, _

I do not love anyone. There is not a single she-cat in the world that captivates me. My heart is filled with ice, and I do not have feelings for anyone. This love you speak of is a foreign emotion to me. If there is anything I would love, it would be my claws on your face.

Sincerely,

Scourge, leader of BloodClan.

**This was written in response to all those crazy Scourge fan girls who pair up their stupid ''emo'' OCs with him. In reality, Scourge wouldn't love them, he would probably rip their throats out. Fudging idiots. I don't really like Scourge that much, but this had to done.**

**Who is your least favorite antagonist? As stated above, mine is Scourge. He had **_**extremely **_**pathetic motives.**

**-Ragnarok**


	9. The Kit Machine

_Dear crazy Twoleg writers,_

What do you mean, I'm a ''kit machine''? I've only had seven kits. Seven is far from being a big number. Also, only four out of my seven kits are still alive while three are dead. Don't you realize how hard it is to bear and raise kits? I also gave birth to my second litter in leaf-bare, and only one out of three survived. You need to show more respect for queens and all they put up with.

Sincerely,

Ferncloud.

**I absolutely hate it when people call Ferncloud a kit machine, so I made this. They also seem to forget that while she had seven kits, three of them died in rather tragic ways.**

**Shrewpaw- hit by a car**

**Larchkit- died of starvation**

**Hollykit- died of hypothermia (her body got too cold)**

**Who do you think I should do next? Tell me in your review!**

**-Ragnarok**


End file.
